Monday 24 August 2015 by Formelia Alberthine

John Terry set to appeal suspension of Tinder account


John Terry Tinder suspension

Chelsea captain John Terry is set to appeal an indefinite ban from online sex aid, Tinder, according to reports this morning.

The former England international is said to be devastated at the sudden closure of his account after alleged ‘inappropriate’ attempts at making contact with a woman who wasn’t married to one of his best mates.

Dogging hotspots in the Essex area have reportedly been placed on high alert following the news.

Terry told reporters outside the clubs Cobham training facilities, “After my sending off against West Bromwich Albion I’ve been left with some unforeseen free time, and what better way of passing that time than with some light philandering?”

“Having been through all of the players’ WAGs, targeting the partners of other club staff just doesn’t have the same attraction.”

“So I have immediately challenged the ban imposed by Tinder moderators, in the hope they’ll give me the freedom on their platform that I’ve been giving opposition forwards this season.”

Tinder spokesperson, Simon Williams, rebuffed the request, stating that such a level of access would seriously limit opportunities for other members in the Essex area.

“Giving John Terry unlimited access to Tinder would be like setting up a fox with a penthouse suite in the henhouse.”

“Never gonna happen, so better for our members to just suspend his account entirely.”

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho aired his disappointment at the ban.

“Ridiculous,” he told reporters.

“Sure – he made contact.”

“But only via DM.”

“It was never a penalty.”

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