Friday 21 August 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Alexis Tsipras leaves note saying ‘There are no olives left’


Alexis Tsipras

Outgoing Greek leader, Alexis Tsipras, has signed off by leaving a helpful note for his successor on his desk.

The note read “I’m afraid there are no olives left”, signaling that the next Greek Prime Minister will need to pop to the shops if he wants any more, without rubbing in the fact that the next government has been left in a deep puddle of financial shit.

“It’s a little rude that he didn’t replenish the olives before he left” said Eleanor Scatliffe, a parliamentary secretary.

“But it is somewhat helpful that he’s let us know. It’s certainly better than leaving a childish note which translates as ‘you’re shafted’.”

“Mind you, I can’t imagine any government employee would be so childish.”

“What, really? Bloody hell.”

The replenishment of the olives is a Greek tradition that dates back many weeks, after Tsipras mentioned the idea as a joke and then realized it was one of the few ideas he had that he might actually be able to deal with.

“And he didn’t even follow through on that one,” sighed Scatliffe.

“Give him his due, he was at least consistently crap.”

Tsipras is expected to release his memoirs of his time in office over the coming weeks, in what critics are already calling “the most sensational pamphlet of our time”.

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