Wednesday 19 August 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Bulls apologise for not donning fancy murder costumes


Bull has lack of costume

Murderous bulls have apologised for not wearing camp outfits while spearing sentient beings to death.

Seven people have been gored to death by plainly dressed bulls in various festivals since the beginning of July.

“You say festival, but basically you’re asking us to gore you,” said Ben Oates, a 12 year-old bull from Madrid.

“Seriously, you get us all wound up, tease us and then make us run at you. And then wonder why you get a bit dead.”

“Why don’t you just shove us in a china shop while you’re at it?”

“I’m not going to apologise for your lack of running-away ability.”

“But I will apologise for not following the rules. You humans at least had the dignity to wear sparkly costumes and funny hats while spearing my dad to death.”

“God bless you.”

Chairman of Bull Murders, Tom Wright, said “We appreciate the apology, and it would be hypocritical of us to criticise the bulls here, as they’re not doing it just for a giggle like we are.”

“All we ask is that they strap on some sequins and gather a crowd before murdering a father of four, because then, for some reason, it will be fine.”

It is hoped that the bulls will calm the fuck down for this weekend’s “Poke the Bull with a Sharp Stick and then Peg It” Festival.

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