Monday 17 August 2015 by DavyWavy

Liz Kendall comes out in favour of winning an election


Liz Kendall

In a dramatic break from the majority of her party, Labour leadership hopeful Liz Kendall has suggested she’d like Labour to win another election, like, ever.

Her statement, described as being ‘unacceptably right-wing’ by opponents, went on to suggest that maybe, just maybe, the electorate might have something to do with who gets to win elections and it might help to listen to what they want from time to time.

However, supporters of the other candidates have rejected the proposal, making it clear that there are more important things for a political party to do than try to form a government.

“If Liz wants to go round ‘listening to voters’ and ‘winning elections’, why doesn’t she just join the Tory party where she belongs?” a supporter of veteran left-winger Jeremy Corbyn asked us.

“I think there’s more to democracy than what the voters want. What about what I want? I’m a voter too. Why can’t everyone else agree with me for once? Why do I always have to go along with everyone else?”

“How about for once instead of voters telling us what to do, we tell them what to do? That would be fair.”

Former Prime Minister Gordon Brown has warned the Labour Party not to appoint an unelectable leader, although critics of Mr Brown have suggested it would have been really useful if he’d come up with that particular nugget of wisdom eight years ago.

Supporters of Jeremy Corbyn have insisted that it is better to be a principled opposition than compromise for power, an observation which is reported to have made Prime Minister David Cameron spit tea out of his nose.

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