Friday 14 August 2015 by Lucas Wilde

‘Mystery Crate’ company to be re-branded ‘Monthly Box of Shite’


Monthyl box of shite

A company that provides subscription-based boxes of tat on a monthly basis is to throw pretence to the wind.

“Monthly Box of Shite” (formerly “Gr8 Cr8s”) sends out a supposed £30 worth of goods to their customers for “only” £12 a month, even though the goods inside the box have never been sold for £30 anywhere on God’s green earth and would struggle to shift at a boot sale.

“It’s time we pulled down the curtain” said company CEO, Tom Gordon.

“There’s only so many people you can rip off before your conscience catches up with you; and by ‘conscience’ I mean ‘trading standards’.”

Customers welcomed the approach while remaining annoyed with the product.

“Last month I received a packet of balloons, a t-shirt that doesn’t fit, a Steven Segal DVD and a fucking biro,” said Valerie March, 23.

“If I wanted to be severely disappointed for £12 a month, I’d have signed up for broadband with the post office.”

“Seriously, birthday presents from my boyfriend are less shit than this tat, and last year he bought me a cactus.”

“I would cancel my subscription, but they’re promising some REALLY good stuff next month, so I’ll see what’s in that one, but if it’s rubbish then I’m cancelling.”

“I’ve said that for the last 28 months now.”

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