Friday 14 August 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Labour leadership election wins National Tedium Award


Labour election tedious

The Labour leadership poll has beaten the recent general election to be recognised as the most mind-numbingly tedious event of the year.

With mud being slung by some incredibly dull human beings with no end in sight and contributions from such awful shits as Tony Blair and Alistair Campbell, the judges were left with no choice but to grudgingly hand the award to the Labour party.

“Giving them the award was also incredibly tedious” said Martin Wright, Head Judge for the National Tedium Awards (NTAs), “they delayed us for about two weeks while they squabbled over who should receive it, and then they wound up sending some poor intern in an ill-fitting suit.”

“Having said that, it might have been Andy Burnham.”

“I’m not Andy Burnham, and receiving the award was also incredibly tedious,” clarified Labour party intern, Tom Schultz.

“I took it back to Labour headquarters and there was an almighty dust-up about which shelf it should go on.”

“Some people wanted it on the left-hand shelf, but then some people thought that would be a disaster and that it should go on a more central shelf, then for some reason Tony Blair rocked up and suggested that we should listen to him or get a heart transplant.”

“I think he was drunk, but still, bit much.”

The Labour party is expected to retain the tedium award until next year, when the European Referendum will take place.

“We’re going to have a fucking field day with that one,” sighed Wright.

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