Friday 14 August 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Dentist not shot anything for a month


Walter Palmer hasn't shot anything in a month

US dentist Walter Palmer has not shot anything for over a month, according to sources today.

“I don’t think it’s good for him,” said his mum Mrs Massie-Lou Palmer.

“He just goes and sits in the long grass at the bottom of the garden with his big golden bow and arrow and eyes up the cat.”

“It’s peculiar.”

Mr Palmer made headlines around the world after shooting a lion up the arse and then making some other people follow it around for a day, presumably pointing and laughing, before killing it.

Shortly after they took a photo of Mr Palmer standing over the dead lion with a grin and a huge erection.

“It’s in a dentist’s nature to hunt things,” claimed Mrs Palmer.

“I mean, it must be, that’s what Walter told me when he stapled the goldfish to the wall.”

“He’s restless. He needs to go back to the wild plains of Africa, surround himself with a phalanx of locals to protect him from the scary animals and then fire off the occasional arrow at anything with fur.”

“And don’t tell me they’re defenceless. Have you seen the horn on a hippo? Vicious.”

Mrs Palmer is understood to be in talks with the local pet shop to see if they have any unwanted guinea pigs she can release into her garden.

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