Tuesday 11 August 2015 by Gary Stanton

British Ibiza police definitely not caning it


Police caning it in Ibiza

British police sent to Ibiza to help control rowdy Brits are absolutely not there to have a good time, they confirmed at 4.30 am this morning.

The latest intelligent Home Office initiative means Brits guilty of violence on Spanish soil could face a lusty combination of sea, sun, sand and a suspended sentence.

Officers will team up with their Spanish counterparts in groups of four, the technical term for which is ‘rounds’.

However, police chiefs say the island is no soft-touch and constables will be expected to deal with lots of people who are in a pretty good mood.

PC Simon Williams said, “Only yesterday a young British woman was found guilty of exposing herself on the local beach, so myself and a few other officers will have to go down there again today and stakeout the place, obviously.”

“You know, in case she tries it again.”

“We take public indecency very seriously. This could take all day. And night.”

Williams colleague PC John Goodier said, “The same evening we received a tragic report that Pete Tong’s essential mix was a little too loud so I’ve had to ask him to turn it down a notch and whether he’s got anything by Orbital.”

“Choooooooooon!”

Goodier added, “And as for this yard of ale you can see in my hand, well I’m afraid it’s been conscifated.. confisss.. confis ..oh fuck it .. you know what I mean.”

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