Monday 10 August 2015 by Gary Stanton

Dirty foreign migrants kick off brand new football season


Premier league underway

‘Marauding’ migrants from god only knows where have begun the new football season with barely a sniffer dog in sight.

At football stadia across this blessed isle, native English players were relegated to the subs bench, by illiterate queue-jumping aliens, who would be happier in the squalor of a Calais death camp.

And a vast majority of the fresh foreign imports admitted they wouldn’t know Shakespeare if he joined them in a Travelodge spit-roast.

During West Ham’s shock victory over Arsenal, impudent Argentine, Mauro Zarate, appeared to stick two fingers up to Britain’s soft-touch justice system, but told dumbstruck reporters he was illustrating the score-line.

The cheeky migrant was allowed to stroll past Arsenal’s defence to slot home the winner without anti-terror police lifting a finger.

Elsewhere Brazilian migrant, Philippe Coutinho, took advantage of honest English grass to score what will surely be goal of the season.

Liverpool fan Simon Williams said, “The way Coutinho curved that ball into the top corner – I could almost forgive the foreign pervert for wanting to rape my wife at the taxpayer’s expense.”

But Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers later slammed the swarthy striker for failing to integrate during the goal celebration.

In other matches, fresh injuries to non-white sounding migrants, Crespo, Chamakh and Chuba Akpom meant the NHS was creaking at the seams under a deluge of foreign talent swamp.

Coutinho, meanwhile, plans to mark his wonder goal by sending his son to an over-stretched local comprehensive.

Coutinho added, “Your wife on anti-depressant. I make very happy.”

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