Friday 7 August 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Left-wing builder shouts slogans of empowerment at passing women


Left wing builder

A liberal-minded construction worker continues to baffle his colleagues by shouting positive and encouraging statements at nearby females.

Andrew Penn, 27, shuns the traditional cat-calling and wolf-whistles in order to shout empowering words with feminist overtones.

“I’m not one for objectifying women” said Penn, “it’s important they know there are some builders out there who view them as more than mere crumpet.

“One time I saw a lady with long, blonde hair, and all my colleagues were whistling at her. So I simply spoke from the heart and shouted ‘your vagina doesn’t define you!’.

“Then they turned around and it turned out it was actually a bloke, which was embarrassing for everyone. But the sentiment was the right one, I’m sure you’d agree.”

Penn has been shunned by his colleagues, who have come to the conclusion that he “simply must be bent”.

This conclusion was reached not only due to his feminist beliefs but also because he reads the Guardian rather than The Sun, he apparently voted the stay in the EU, and also wears a belt that actually aids his jeans in keeping his arse under wraps.

Meanwhile, the women he supports have so far failed to display the tiniest bit of gratitude for his efforts.

“Honestly it’s creepier than the whistling,” said passing female, Abby Weaver.

“One expects that kind of behaviour. It’s a little jarring to hear a topless stranger shout ‘you’re worth just as much as your masculine counterparts in the workplace’ from halfway up a building clad in scaffolding.”

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