Thursday 6 August 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Edinburgh festival promises to be the most irritating yet


Edinburgh Festival

The organisers of the Edinburgh festival have pledged to make the whole thing more irritating than ever.

“We’ve definitely set ourselves a huge challenge,” said artistic director Fergus Linehan.

“But we really have a colossal number of pricks about to descend on Edinburgh, and they are going to be spectacularly irritating.”

The festival, which starts tomorrow, is already widely regarded as the most irritating three weeks of the year and is only tolerated because it keeps the sort of people who put on a one-man version of Wagner’s Ring Cycle in fifteen minutes away from everyone else.

“But this year, we’re going to try and irritate people who’d never normally come to Edinburgh,” continued Mr Linehan

“So, on the One-show tonight we’ve got a comedy interpretation of the Nuremburg trials by three young women who have been out of drama school for 6 months and think they know everything.

“On Good Morning Britain, there’ll be ‘Station to Station’ – a choir of train spotters who only perform Bowie songs.

“And Bill Turnball will be speaking to ‘Bank on us’ who are currently just a pun but will probably do some mime or opera about banks or something.”

The Edinburgh festival will continue for three weeks, but will feel like three hundred to anyone who accidentally finds themselves in Edinburgh in August.

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