Wednesday 5 August 2015 by Neil Tollfree

House prices rise from ‘bloody ridiculous’ to ‘f**king absurd’


house prices

House prices rose by 3.5% over the last month crossing the threshold to become officially f**king absurd.

“I think it’s been inevitable that house prices would become f**king absurd at some point,” said economics expert Chris Knight.

“I mean, they went from being utterly daft to bloody ridiculous so quickly that a jump to f**king absurd was only a matter of time.”

“Of course, I remember back when house prices went from being really quite expensive to being far too much and frankly, I thought they were far too high then.”

It is now understood that there are only twelve new buyers left in the country who can afford to buy a property and they are all members of the spectacularly inbred Fortherington-Smythe family.

“I wouldn’t mind renting,” said Chrissie Pauli.

“But the private rental market is run by perverts and sociopaths.”

“My last landlord, Simon Williams, charged me £900 a week to live in a cave in his garden and insisted I showered under a hose in the garden while he took photos played with himself.”

It is expected that things will get worse for new buyers with house prices expected to reach just flat out batsh*t crazy in a matter of months.

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