Wednesday 5 August 2015 by Lucas Wilde

French border Police activate Bat-Signal and piss off home


Bat signal calais

French border police in Calais have washed their hands of the situation and left it up to Batman.

Having seen the sheer number of desperate foreigners trying to breach border security, the Commanding Officer took the executive decision to switch on the Bat-Signal and call it a day.

“There is only so much one can do,” said Commanding Officer, Martin Du Creife.

“We had done all we could; we had looked at all of the migrants, sighed a bit, told them to ‘shoo’, and none of that worked.”

“We considered calling in the French army, but to be honest that’s more of a paradox than an actual thing.”

“So we figured the more viable option would be to switch on the bat-signal and hope for the best.”

“I’m surprised we even have a Bat-Signal to be honest, but then our taxpayers also pay for my employment, so there’s clearly money to burn around here.”

Migrants seeking entry to Britain were undeterred by the potential threat of the dark knight.

“I’ve been beaten and threatened in three different war-torn hellholes” said migrant, Abdul Muller-Corner, “so the prospect of a mentally unstable orphan dressing up like a bat and coming to visit sounds more like a Halloween party than anything else.”

“Now, either give me a boost over this fence, or go away.”

Batman said “I’m fictional, you bloody idiots.”

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