Tuesday 4 August 2015 by DavyWavy

Class War to rebrand as Middle-Class Guilt War


Class War protest

Left-wing protesting organisation Class War is to reposition as Middle-Class Guilt War with immediate effect, they have announced this morning.

The move is intended to better reflect their membership and assist in recruitment from their core demographic of people who went to private school and feel really bad about it.

Their aims will remain the dismantling of the elitist class system and abolishing all private schools just as soon as they have left.

Society will be rebuilt according to democratic socialist co-operative principles and run by people like them.

“I totally got into politics when I read a book about poor people at Cheltenham,” said Class War spokesperson Poppy Ogilvy-Frears.

“Did you know some people are poor? I didn’t until then, but I felt totally awful about it for days and decided to do something about it.”

“Me and my bessies Olympia and Tamsin have been on loads of super exciting dems about how people should pay more tax.”

“Not pater, obvs, as he’s totally skint after school fees, but other people. The greedy ones. We set shit on fire and threw dog mess at the babylon.”

“Smash the system,” she added.

The organisation considered several names including “Going To Volunteer in a Soup Kitchen War”, but rejected that as how is anyone going to see how cool and radical you are in some mangy soup kitchen?

The new organisation is going to continue the battle against international capitalist oppression by getting a really deep arts degree before going round to rich people’s houses and fucking with their Feng Shui.

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