Monday 3 August 2015 by DavyWavy

Man failing to give tiniest shit about what biscuits politicians eat


Jam Dodger

A man on the Internet has said he literally couldn’t give less of a shit what sort of biscuits politicians eat in their meetings.

Simon Williams, 34, invited a cascade of criticism for taking the position that it’s a mindlessly unimportant issue and perhaps there are better ways to spend your time than getting all worked up about it.

He went on to add that he ‘couldn’t give a monkey’s chuff’ whether the biscuits were bought from the public purse.

Williams has faced a storm of abuse over his controversial comments on social media, with suggestions that if he likes paying for biscuits so much why doesn’t he ‘climb into a biscuit making machine and see how he likes it’ being commonplace.

Meanwhile, critics have argued that Jammy Dodgers are a waste of public money and could easily be replaced by Rich Tea to show we’re all in it together.

“I just don’t get it”, Simon told us.

“I mean, who has the time to care about this shit?”

He was then distracted by someone throwing a brick through his window with a note attached calling him biscuit-denying scum.

In other news, SNP supporters have today demanded another referendum based on unconfirmed reports that someone in Westminster ate a Bourbon Cream ‘paid for by Scotland’s oil’.

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