Monday 3 August 2015

African Americans to start wearing bulletproof armadillos


Armadillos bulletproof

African-Americans are to begin wearing armadillos after discovering they can protect you against law enforcement bullets fired in your general direction.

The discovery was made by accident, when an Armadillo survived a gunshot from a Texan resident eagerly exercising his second amendment rights in his garden.

Black Florida resident Simon Williams told us, “Guns are dangerous, particularly in the hands of a partially trained law enforcement officer whose only real experience of black people is binge-watching boxsets of The Wire.”

“As such, we need to take steps to protect ourselves – and more guns isn’t the answer, or so we keep being told. But kevlar is real expensive.”

“So it was good to learn that Armadillos are both cheap and bullet proof.

“They’re plentiful, less than ten dollars a pop, and above all they are biodegradable, so we’re not only saving ourselves from trigger happy policemen seemingly intent on killing us at the slightest provocation, we’re also doing our bit for the environment.”

“Which is nice.”

Bullet proof armadillos

A police spokesperson said that although they could not prevent African Americans from wearing armadillos, they would strongly advise against it.

They told reporters, “An armadillo is quite a vicious looking animal, and if at any time our officer feels his life is in danger, then he will have the full authority of the law to shoot – and we know from our own tests that a couple of dozen direct shots will get through armadillo hide.”

“As long as it doesn’t run away whilst we change magazine.”

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