Saturday 1 August 2015 by DavyWavy

Labour Party angrily attacks Labour Party’s record


Ed Balls

The Labour Party has today issued its most strongly worded attack yet upon the Labour Party’s record in government.

Singling out economic management and immigration for particular criticism, the Labour Party said that Labour Party policy was misguided and had led to ‘nigh-catastrophic consequences’.

The move is seen by Westminster observers as representing a new, bolder Labour party which is determined to take the lead in attacking itself, rather than waiting for other parties to step up to the challenge.

Insiders claim it is designed to appeal to voters who didn’t vote for either the Conservatives or the Labour Party in the past.

The attack went on to castigate in the strongest possible terms the Labour Party’s record in opposition, singling out the people they put in charge as being responsible for ‘poor decisions and weak leadership’.

“No matter where the Labour Party is to be found, in government or opposition, it gets it wrong,” said a Labour Party spokesman.

“And it is a testament to our determination to build a better Britain that we are committed to continuing to get it wrong and then criticising ourselves for it.”

“I think the Labour party’s contribution to attacking itself is second to none in British political history, and we are proud to continue one of our most important traditions.”

Candidates for the leadership of the party have been at the forefront of this new offensive, with Burnham, Kendall, Cooper and Corbyn all variously describing their previous attempts at government as being misguided, wrongheaded and deeply flawed.

Party members who disagree with the new line of attack on the previous Labour government have been described as a ‘viruses that need to be purged’ by supporters of leadership hopeful Jeremy Corbyn, in a move they believe will contribute to party unity and ensure future election victories.

According to Westminster retailers, plans are are well advanced to set up a popcorn stand next to the Conservative and SNP benches, to save them the trouble of walking to the shops.

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