Friday 31 July 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Labour to seek Taliban advice on running swift leadership campaigns


Labour leadership campaign

The Labour Party were taking notes last night after the Taliban managed to elect a new leader in just 24 hours.

The still-leaderless politicos were left embarrassed when it transpired that even a band of outlaw lunatics could pull their shit together in a quicker timeframe.

Mullah Akhtar Mansoor was elected in quick fashion following the confirmed death of his predecessor, Simon Williams.

Political analyst, Ben Oates, said “These people are disorganised, dishevelled, and a lot of their ideologies appear insane to you and I.”

“But it’s still surprising that the Taliban managed to best them in a round of ‘choose-a-leader’.”

Labour party spokesperson, Ruth Forrest, told reporters, “I would say it’s embarrassing, but to be honest I’m pretty much numb to that feeling by now.”

“The way we’re going, we’re looking at trial by combat; and Jeremy Corbyn would win that as he never wears a tie and he’s not a woman.”

The leadership race is expected to come down to Corbyn and Andy Burnham.

“So we either get a bloke who can’t shave and looks like he’d be more at home driving a ghost-train, or an estate agent doing a Pierce Brosnan impression,” said Forrest.

“Would you mind taking a quick look at my CV?”

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