Tuesday 28 July 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Lord Sewel was on ‘Keith Richards Experience Day’


Lord Sewel Keith Richard Day

Senior Peer Lord Sewel was doing nothing more seedy than enjoying his birthday present, according to friends today.

Lord Sewel’s family had given the Peer a voucher for his birthday which entitled him to live like a rock star for the day.

“It was a wonderful surprise” said Sewel, “usually they just get me a pair of socks and some scotch, so the opportunity to final snort some blow from a hooker’s tits was a lovely change.”

“I wasn’t quite able to detach the television from the wall to throw it out the window, which was a shame, but other than that it was a blinder of an evening.”

“It’s unfortunate that so many people are judging me for my choice of birthday activity.”

“I personally think bowling is for twats, but you don’t see me running to the papers when someone is photographed knuckle-deep in a bowling ball.”

“I guess it’s one rule for legendary rock stars, and another for members of the House of Lords. Again.”

Jonny Gillard, 38, is Vice-President of Sticky Dreams Come True Experience Days.

“The Keith Richards Experience is one of our more popular days; despite the fact a lot of people simply don’t survive that amount of Class A drugs in 24 hours.”

“Lord Sewel should be commended for his effort, if anything.”

“We’d normally expect someone of his age to go for the Cliff Richard Experience, which basically involves visiting an old folks’ home and then posing for a calendar.”

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