Tuesday 28 July 2015 by Richard Wood

Champagne socialists have been drinking prosecco since 2007


champagne socialist

Startling news has emerged that champagne socialists have actually been drinking prosecco all this time.

The news was first revealed when the BBC secretly filmed Ed Miliband with a group of champagne socialists at a bar in the south of England.

The BBC reminded viewers that Mr Miliband is the younger brother of someone who used to be quite high up in the Labour party.

Instead of ordering champagne, Mr Miliband ordered bottles of prosecco for the whole table.

An investigation then revealed that all champagne socialists have only been drinking prosecco since Tony Blair’s downfall.

And in some rare cases, shockingly, Tesco wine.

Some of the candidates fighting it out to be the next Labour leader have spoken out on the issue.

Liz Kendall has attacked Mr Miliband for this, saying that Labour should return to drinking champagne.

“The only way we can beat the Tories is by drinking like them. We will copy their policies and copy their drinking habits too,” she said.

On the other hand, veteran left wing MP, Jeremy Corbyn, who is also standing for the Labour leadership, said that prosecco is just too middle class for his party.

Sounding oddly like Nigel Farage he said, “We need to connect with ordinary folk and that means drinking beer and Aldi’s own wine.”

“If you want fizz, but a two quid bottle of chardonnay through a soda stream.”

Meanwhile, Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, has called for Labour to stop worrying about what it drinks.

Instead, “Labour should focus on how much the party drinks,” he said.

“As presumptive Conservative leader in 2020 I will be able to drink the next leader of the Labour party under the table.”

“That is how we should settle the election. Come at me, Burnham. Free jaeger-bombs for families with two children or fewer.”

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