Monday 27 July 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Experts baffled by popularity of politician with ‘principles’


Jeremy Corby has 'principles'

Politicians and commentators have admitted to being utterly baffled as to the appeal of principled politician, Jeremy Corbyn.

“No one can quite fathom Jeremy’s appeal,” said a Labour insider.

“For some reason, people are enjoying hear someone speak with conviction on their own beliefs rather than toss off the usual centrist, benefit-hating, corporate-loving, vote-for-me-and-you’ll-get-a-bigger-bag-of-crisps rhetoric that they’ve been force-fed since the height of Thatcher-ism.”

Andrew Rawsley from the Observer concurred.

“Look, everyone knows that they only way Labour can win elections in this country is by being Tories with different coloured ties, so what’s the point of actually putting together an alternative?

“Bring back Tony Blair, Oasis, and bombing Iraq,” he concluded.

Other candidates for the Labour leadership, rocked by the notion that they might actually have to put together a more coherent argument than ‘Mr Cameron is a nasty man,’ are scrabbling to find a way to defeat Mr Corbyn.

“We’re focus-grouping like mad,” said one of Yvette Cooper’s team.

“Trying to find the most popular principles that Yvette should have, then she’ll adopt them and speak from the heart. Easy.”

Liz Kendall’s team were taking a different approach.

“Blind optimism and hating poor people, it’s a solid foundation for the Labour leadership.”

Whereas Andy Burnham was taking a more pragmatic approach.

“He’s got a beard as he’s been around since the eighties,” said a Burnham insider.

“So we’ll just claim he’s a paedophile.”

It is expected that the fad for a principled politician will end once people realise that it will involve people paying slightly more tax.

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