Sunday 26 July 2015 by DavyWavy

Actually drugs and prostitution should be legal after all, says Labour Party


Lord Sewel drugs and prostitutes

The Labour Party has announced that drugs and prostitution should be perfectly legal after all.

In what is being described as an unexpected u-turn, the party has demanded that hookers and blow be crossed off the list of illegal things as soon as possible – and today would be good if that’s possible?

Additionally, the party has suggested that negative social attitudes towards sex work and the entirely reasonable use of recreational pharmaceuticals are outdated and should instead be seen as upholding the highest standards of ethical behaviour.

“It’s, um, not a change in policy,” a Labour Party spokesman told us in a hastily prepared statement.

“We’re just suggesting that these outdated laws be updated to reflect perfectly normal and respectable behaviour.”

“Right away. In pen if necessary.”

“I’ve got a biro right here we could use?” he added.

The Party has clarified that all that stuff they said about increasing criminalisation for sex workers was just ‘thinking out loud’, and Harriet Harman had completely changed her mind since, er, yesterday.

And it turns out the war on drugs was actually a waste of time all along.

Members of other political parties have declined to comment on the suggestion, with many claiming to be unexpectedly at home with their families.

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