Friday 24 July 2015

Ryanair to offer first budget flights to Kepler-452b Luton airport


Budget airline Ryanair has stolen a march on the competition by offering discount flights to newly discovered Earth-like planet Kepler-452b, flying into Kepler-452b Luton airport.

Kepler-452b is about 60% larger than Earth and at a temperature of approximately 20C it is likely to be more welcoming than a number of the shitholes Ryanair currently flies to.

Chief Executive Michael O’Leary said, “It is important for us to retain our position as the leading provider of cheap flights to hard to reach places.”

“I am sure you’ll all agree that Kepler-452b is a wonderful destination to add to our roster of glamorous weekend getaways.”

“For just £20 return, excluding taxes and any other charges we can think of, we we will fly you to Kepler-452b Luton airport, where you will be just a short 1,400 light year bus journey away from your final destination.”

Ryanair Kepler-452b return deal

Customers have already expressed their dismay at just how far outside Kepler-452b the Kepler-452b Luton airport actually is.

Simon Williams told us, “I’m used to a lengthy transfer when flying with Ryanair, but I would draw the line at landing in a different country – never mind a different solar system.”

“That said, a brief wander through Luton town centre gives us a pretty good idea what primitive alien life might be like on Kepler-452b.”

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