Communist firebrand, Jeremy Corbyn, would force your children into Soviet-style collective farming if elected, according to his opponents for the Labour leadership.
The poorly-dressed Socialist has also vowed to wipe out Israel, aided by the technical know-how of brothers-in-arms Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness. Not to mention Hamas.
Leadership challenger, Yvette Cooper, said, “Jeremy Corbyn would force your averagely-bright child to sit with the thickest, while having lessons in double gayness shoved down his throat by a bearded woman in dungarees.”
“What a bastard!”
Unrealistic challenger, Liz Kendall, opined, “Three-day week. Coal miners. Greenham Common. Duffel coats. Cold winters. The right to strike. Investment in the NHS. Social justice. Is this the kind of Britain you want?”
And Andy Burnham had these wise words. “Irresponsible sex. Three-mile Island. Comprehensive schools. Warsaw Pact. Errol Brown. Abba. Power cuts. Muddy football pitches. John Motson in a blizzard. Feeding the ducks with your Granddad before it all went to shit. Terry and June. Rising Damp. Ohhh Miss Jones. Can we really afford that?”
Burnham added, “You saw what happened to the Blue Peter garden?”
Last night freedom-upholding, former PM, Tony Blair, warned, “Corbyn would allow the likes of the Middle East to flourish by failing to kill millions of innocent Iraqi civilians with laser-guided bombs that could split the Labour Party.”
“Anyone who doesn’t want millions of dead Iraqi civilians should get a heart transplant.”