Wednesday 22 July 2015

Divorce lawyers start bidding process for hacked Ashley Madison membership list


Ashley Madison hacked

The bidding for the hacked membership list of adulterers website Ashley Madison has begun in earnest, according to sources today.

Divorce lawyer Simon Williams has said he is willing to pay top dollar for the names of any members who live within 20 miles of his Basingstoke law firm.

He explained, “This list is like finding a treasure map telling you there’s gold bullion hidden in the hills outside Basingstoke.”

“Except the gold is currently sitting as cash equivalents in the savings accounts of the people on the Ashley Madison hacked membership list, and you’ll be on the way to getting approximately 10% of it just as soon you can get in touch with their spouse.”

“Think about it, if there are 37 million people on that list, I’d guess that could lead to at least a few thousand pretty angry divorces within my catchment area, at an average fee of about £20k that’s about… oh my god, I think I’m getting an erection.”

“Jesus Christ. That’s millions. Sorry, I need to go and increase my bid.”

Ashley Madison hack

One anonymous Ashley Madison user said he didn’t care about the membership list becoming public.

He told  us,”Look, only a moron would use their real name on an adulterers website. I’m known on there as Goldie McStrumpet, so I’m not bothered who finds that.”

“Wait, they’ve got the credit card details I paid my subscription with, and therefore my real name?”

“Shit shit shit!”

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