Tuesday 21 July 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Local lettings agent receives Man Booker Prize for Fiction


Letting agent small

A local lettings’ agent has received an award that recognises his vast contribution to the world of fiction.

Malcolm Pinder, a 31 year-old slimy turd-captain from Berkshire, has been writing fantasy in the form of property adverts for the last five years that have been variously described as absorbing, meticulous and evil.

“It’s a validation of everything I’ve sought to accomplish” said Pinder.

“I’ve been fictionalising and idealising rundown piss-dens for decades, and to be recognised for one’s work brings warmth to one’s cockles.”

“I would say I’ve poured my heart and soul into my work, but I’ll leave you to figure out the two gaping flaws in that statement.”

“It’s that sort of attention to detail that allows me to put a fantastical spin on a shed in Reading, before charging £800 a month, plus £45 check-in fee and the £500 admin fee.”

Pinder’s work has gathered a substantial fan-base in Reading, with up to four young, occasionally desperate families a week buying into his unique brand of fantasy.

He receives fan mail direct to his door, usually concealed in a bag of burning dog-shit.

“I don’t envy more popular authors like J.K. Rowling, she must have skips full of the stuff outside of her house” said Pinder, before extinguishing the bag with his shoe, much like the dreams of so many young, first-time tenants.

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