Thursday 16 July 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Woman has meaningful appraisal


Appraisal 'useful'

It has come to light that someone has had a meaningful, worthwhile appraisal from their employer.

“Well, I was as shocked as anyone,” said Serena Greene.

“But my manager gave me some helpful feedback, and listened to my concerns. It was really positive.”

Business leaders were baffled.

“This sort of thing simply shouldn’t happen,” said Business expert and terrible human being, Simon Williams.

“Appraisals were created to be vague and unhelpful and leave both manager and employee with a sense of disillusionment and confusion.”

The mid-term appraisal or, as it’s more colloquially known, the ‘total fucking waste of time’, was invented in the early sixties as a way to stop staff asking for a pay rise.

They take numerous forms, all of which are utterly incomprehensible.

A current popular example is to have the employee scored from 1 to 5 with 3 being the average score. 5 is achievable but only if the target for the employee is 5, and if they achieve the 5, then they are marked with a 3 for achieving the target, 1 is not necessarily the most negative score which can actually be 3 if the target was for 4 or 5, in which case the employee would be marked 1 for achieving only a 3.

2 is left for incidences of profound racism.

“The last thing industry needs is for people to get any benefit out of this farcical set of proceedings,” continued Mr Williams.

“I heartily recommend that in this case the manager marks the employee a 3 and tells her to ‘grow her internal customer attitude towards the future’.”

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