Tuesday 14 July 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Court papers reveal 50 Cent ‘blew fortune’ on encyclopaedias and oak furnishings


50 cent bankrupcy

A bankruptcy court was surprised to hear that ‘musician’ 50 Cent has spent all of his money on surprisingly tasteful items.

The hip-hop star has declared himself broke, prompting several million surprisingly tedious jokes to be made simultaneously via social media, because now he is in fact worth less than 50 Cents – which is obviously brilliantly funny.

A lawyer for the world’s worst human confirmed that most of the rapper’s outgoings were spent on shag-pile carpets, a selection of paintings by Salvadore Dali, the original sheet music for Mozart’s Requiem and a cellar full of fine wine.

“We were surprised” said clerk of the court, Shannon Twerk, “I guess we all judged him on his image and expected to see statements alluding to numerous sports cars in hideous colours, oversized mink coats and more than a few pounds of marijuana.”

“I suppose 50 Cent has taught us all a lesson today, and that makes today a dark day for mankind.”

Further revelations revealed that the rap star has indeed been shot nine times, but this was not in fact the result of a drive-by shooting, but the result of a pistol-duel with fellow rapper Busta Rhymes over ownership of a “ho”.

“Now that’s classy” said Twerk.

“Although quite how someone gets shot nine times in a duel involving single-shot pistols is beyond me. 50 Cent must be rubbish at guns.”

It is thought that 50 Cent will make up for the shortfall in his finances with a new world tour entitled “I’ve got 99 problems and they’re all financial, so buy some tickets please”.

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