Friday 10 July 2015

Even Raheem Sterling’s mum now embarrassed about him calling in sick


Raheem Sterling

The mother of Liverpool winger Raheem Sterling has admitted she is embarrassed to phone the club to say Raheem won’t be in today because he has a ‘poorly tummy’.

Sterling has called in sick for the second day in a move declared so transparent, they should start making windows out of it.

The decision has put Mrs Sterling in a difficult position, as she admitted she was uncomfortable pretending he was sick to his employers.

She told us, “I woke him up for training, but he said he didn’t want to go in because he feeling ill, so I asked him to prove it.”

“He jumped out of bed, leapt to the floor and starting rolling around holding his shin and screaming loudly.”

“I can only imagine this is what footballers think ‘ill’ actually looks like?”

“He stopped after a minute or two when it was clear I knew he was faking it. Then he said everyone at work is mean to him and he hates his boss who refuses to make him a multimillionaire several times over, so could I please phone in sick for him.”

“What could I do? I’m his mother – but it was honestly cringeworthy. Brendan Rodgers wanted to know the consistency of his stool and everything.”

“There is not one person on the face of this earth who believes Raheem is ill right now, yet I’ve got to stand here bold as brass and pretend it’s the truth.”

“The little shit.”

“Oh, believe me, if I wasn’t his mother I’d call him a lot worse.”

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