Wednesday 8 July 2015 by DavyWavy

FA tells England men’s team to stick to DIY and classic car magazines


England team

The Football Association has told the England men’s team that they should stick to DIY and reading classic car magazines, we can report.

The FA suggested that their male players would be happier sticking to traditionally male pursuits like sitting in a shed and smoking a pipe, rather than running round in shorts like a little girl.

Critics responded angrily to the suggestion, insisting that the men’s team could play football just as well as the women’s one, despite all the evidence to the contrary from recent World Cup tournaments.

“We’re not being sexist”, and FA spokesman told us, “Just realistic about the lives of male footballers.”

“As men, the best use they can make of a football pitch is to go and stand on it to watch AC/DC playing.”

“And then they can go home to be husbands, fathers and brothers – and burn some sausages on the barbeque.”

“Because that’s what men do, right?”

England team

England captain Wayne Rooney responded to the FA’s message by saying that men’s football is a perfectly legitimate sport in its own right.

He told reporters, “Just because men’s football doesn’t bring the excitement and success of the women’s game doesn’t make it any less valuable.”

“I don’t want to be thought of just as a man who just does man’s things, I want to be thought of a successful sportsperson on the International stage – is that too much to ask?”

“Ok, how about just ‘sportsperson on the International stage’?”

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