Tuesday 7 July 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Wombles to go on strike both Underground and Overground


wombles to strike

Cutesy litter-pickers, The Wombles, are calling a 72-hour strike this week over pay and conditions.

The creatures of unknown origin have purposefully picked Wimbledon tennis week to leave Wimbledon common to rot, so that the public “might see that we do a bloody good job, actually”.

“We’ve been taken for granted for too long; to be honest,” claimed Uncle Bulgaria.

“The amount of shit you people leave behind after a picnic is really quite astonishing, and we don’t get paid nearly enough.”

“There will be no litter picking nor scavenging done for 72 hours, and whatever we got up to underground will stop for a bit as well.”

“So you people will have to deal with your own used condoms for a while. Enjoy.”

The Wombles have kept Wimbledon common clean for over three decades, and have saved the council countless thousands in fees paid to human maintenance staff.

“I guess it might be time we paid the wombles something” admitted Councillor Michael Hayes.

“They have done a cracking job thus far. Although I must say I thought they would have earned enough from that documentary they did, and that God-awful album they released a while ago.”

“But yeah, anything to avoid having benefit claimants sweep up to justify their unemployment benefit.”

The public have been largely supportive of the Wombles’ industrial action, unlike their feelings for striking staff at London Underground; for whom the public have nothing but a burning hatred and a desire to see them replaced with robots as soon as possible.

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