Tuesday 7 July 2015 by Alex Webster

Austerity absolutely necessary unless it affects me personally, says everybody


austerity

People are strongly in favour of cuts in countries other than their own, polls have revealed.

On Sunday the people of Greece voted against a package of government cutbacks, despite warnings that Greek currency was so weak it “couldn’t fight it’s way out of a wet paper bag” according to an IMF spokesman.

The result has been met with incredulity in other EU countries.

Simon Williams from Tunbridge Wells said, “Can’t these people see that cutbacks are essential if they want to save their economy?”

“Greece is a money pit for the EU taxpayer – their government needs to impose stricter austerity measures now.”

“On a completely unrelated note, I received a letter from my council saying that from now on my bins would only be emptied once a week.”

“This is an absolute outrage and a breach of my human rights. Britain must be the worst country in the world for cutbacks!”

“Hey, I’m all for cutting the deficit, and if that means cuts in public spending and higher taxes, so be it.  So long as the services I receive aren’t affected and I don’t have to pay any more tax.”

“Look, I know enough about economics to know that something must be done, and I am quite happy with that, so long as it is done by someone else.”

The greek Minister for finance told reporters, “We’re owed a lot of reparations by countries that fought wars with us, so we’ll start with Germany and work our way back to the Trojans.”

“If that doesn’t work we’ll start praying to Nema, the ancient Greek goddess of debt.”

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