Monday 6 July 2015

Princess Charlotte wondering if she can have five Scienceparents instead


Godparents, Prince Charlotte, christening

After being given five Godparents by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Princess Charlotte has expressed her dismay at all the God bothering she’ll now be exposed to.

A spokesperson for the infant princess said that having multiple parents in charge of educating her in the ways of a two-thousand year old book is about as useful as a Deputy Prime Minister.

They told us, “Understanding the morality rules set out by a civilisation that thought slavery was OK is not high on the young Princess’ list of priorities.”

“But a basic understanding of the sciences will have lifelong value, far beyond wasting Sundays in an old building talking to yourself with your eyes closed.”

“An understanding of evolution is far more valuable to a young mind than the story of Noah’s Ark. But who is going to teach her this?”

“At the very least they could have included her Uncle Harry, at least he could teach him a bit about the science of reproduction.”

Princess Charlotte christened

Meanwhile several thousand Gods have complained that they will be dramatically underrepresented in the young princesses life.

A spokesperson for Vishnu, Supreme God of Vaishnavism, said, “It’s discriminatory not to include Vishnu in the spiritual upbringing of Princess Charlotte.”

“Vishnu and approximately 20,000 other Gods that are regularly worshipped on Earth demand their opportunity to try and influence the royal family.”

“Or you’re all just being racist.”

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