Friday 3 July 2015 by Tom Whalley

Alton Towers must never become a Dinosaur Park, confirm experts


Alton Towers

Allowing Alton Towers to acquire live Dinosaurs would be worse than anything that ever happened in Jurassic Park, experts have revealed.

Following the recent Smiler Rollercoaster crash, which lead to two people having legs amputated, Alton Towers has now faced two further disasters.

The first involved the Air rider becoming stuck for an hour, leaving riders hanging upside down.

And, on the hottest day of the year, 80 people were trapped for an hour, inside a carriage, as the park’s Monorail broke down.

Leading safety expert, Jason Lee, told us, “These are essentially lifeless combinations of metal and electricity and yet Alton Towers has shown that it still can’t prevent them from trying to kill visitors.”

“Can you imagine what would happen if they had a load of sentient Velociraptors? It’d be an absolute bloodbath, mate.”

“The wasps that hang around the bins are bad enough, what if you threw a T-Rex into the mix? I’d bet you’d rather you had a bit of a sting than being bitten in half while you queued for some chips.”

A park spokesman denied that the Theme Park was interested in acquiring cloned Dinosaurs, but did confirm that they were developing some robot cowboys.

“The Cowboys will delight visitors with their friendly gunplay.”

“Westworld? Nope, never heard of it.”

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