Wednesday 1 July 2015 by Tom Whalley

Police Operations accused of using up all the best band names


Police band names

Yesterday the Police, military, SAS, and counter-terrorism services began a mock two-day, Tunisia style, terrorist attack on the streets of London names Operation Strong Tower.

The operation may have reassured many British citizens that the government is doing all it can to keep them safe from mentals.

However, Operation Strong Tower was met with criticism by several terrible bands, a gay nightclub, and a cheap cider manufacturer who had all planned to use the name.

We spoke to Phil Starbuck from the band Operation Yew Tree, who said, “Everything was going pretty well for us.”

“We had a management deal with a shady bloke from East London who claimed to have worked with the Wombats.”

“We’d booked several pub gigs and then the police nicked our name and used it for a thing where they arrested loads of famous paedos.”

“You try doing a gig when people are just shouting the names of sinister celebrities from the 70s at you for the whole time.”

“The band couldn’t continue but we did shift loads of T-shirts to awful ironic people.”

Conspiracy theorists have suggested that the Police and military are actively choosing names in order to ruin the careers of bands that they don’t like.

Metropolitan Police Commissioner, Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe, has categorically denied those claims.

“We just try to give Police operations really cool sounding names. If we can’t think of anything cool then we just use whatever we can see.”

“I was really proud of our investigation into criminal activity in Horse Racing, Operation Crypton.”

“Whereas Operation The Neighbour’s Cat was probably a bit of a lazy name on our part.”

“You see? it’s just random.”

Operation Mumford And Sons begins on Thursday.

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