Tuesday 30 June 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Most Britons to spend ‘Leap Second’ watching TV and eating crisps


Leap second on TV

The majority of Great Britain will take advantage of an ‘extra’ second of time tonight by being completely sedentary in front of a glowing screen, as per usual.

For the first time in three years, an extra second is added to the time set by atomic clocks, which means the last minute of June will have 61 seconds in it- a phenomenon known in football as an “Old Trafford Minute”.

It is thought that the only other two entities that could decide to alter the length of a minute at will are Sir Alex Ferguson and Network Rail’s PA announcers.

However, rather than embrace this extra morsel of time with both hands and compose a sonnet, paint a portrait or learn the guitar, most people have suggested they will probably just lounge about.

“I know what I like” said Justin Yates, a potato-shaped man from Weston Supermare, “and what I like is crisps and television, preferably at the same time.”

“Carpe Diem means ‘seize the day’, anyway, not ‘seize the second’, and even if it did, my cholesterol is far too high for seizing of any kind.”

“You crack on with painting your masterpiece. See how far you get in one second. I know a fact that I can eat several crisps in that time, so who’s the winner here?”

“Not you, Picasso!”

Viewers will certainly be spoilt for choice, with programmes ranging from Newsnight, to Mafia with Trevor McDonald, to Big Brother’s Bit on the Side.

“What a time to be alive!” marvelled Yates, cramming another fistful or Wotsits into his cheese-dusted mouth.

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