Monday 29 June 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Managers now less comprehensible than cats


Management Speak

A new study has revealed that the vast majority of humans now find their cats make more sense than their managers.

“My manager called me in the other day,” said hapless wage slave Simon Williams.

“He told me that we needed to drive together to square the circle of the customer parameter.”

“He then started shouting ‘f**k yeah,’ and pounding the desk.”

“I just backed away slowly and tried to avoid eye-contact.”

“No idea what all that was about. On the other hand, my cat purrs when he’s happy, which I get.”

The finding reveals that 90% of managers’ communication is meaningless buzzwords and the other 10% is swearing, whereas cats will softly butt your ankles with their head if they’re hungry.

“Whilst it’s impossible to say if cats have become more intelligent,” said Professor of cats; Peter Taylor.

“We can be certain that the preposterous nature of management-speak has reached such a level that it’s basically nonsense.”

“Cats, small babies, French people, they all now make considerably more sense than your manager.”

However managers have refuted the study.

“We are where we are,” said manager Mark Hammond.

“And it’s important that going forward, we simply re-enforce the values of the brand awareness of managers in respect to 1-2-1 interfacing.”

He then shouted ‘f**ksticks,’ and went off to a four-hour meeting about a mission statement.

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