Wednesday 24 June 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Queen to move into static caravan during palace renovations


Queen in caravan

Her Majesty the Queen is set to move into a four-berth caravan on the Buckingham Palace forecourt while building work takes place on her massive house.

It was expected that the Queen might take up residence in Windsor, Balmoral, or the Premier Inn off Junction 12 off the M4; however palace officials surprised everyone by revealing the monarch’s first choice of a caravan.

“Her choice, I suppose,” said Terrence Gildings, a palace spokesperson,

“Why anyone would choose to take a backward step in human evolution is beyond me, but then so is Hollyoaks, and look how popular that is.”

“On the plus side, it will be a massive boost for tourism. People will come from far and wide to watch her majesty hang the washing on a make-shift line, to watch Prince Philip try and fail to light a single use-barbecue, and to watch the pair of them argue about whose turn it is to empty out the shit-tank.”

“I know it’s not really called a shit-tank. Don’t tell me what it’s really called, that’s not information I care to store in my brain.”

Palace renovations

It is thought that the Queen won the caravan in a horse race, after a desperate punter spaffed all of his money early in the day and was desperate for someone to take him up on a bet.

“The Queen spied the caravan and offered to bet him for it, and in turn she would offer up ownership rights to the whole of Slough,” explained the palace spokesperson.

“It’s a beauty, to be fair, it has full electric lighting and running water.”

“Unlike Slough.”

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