Wednesday 24 June 2015

Man claiming to have ‘number one all over’ actually just bald


Bald man

35-year-old Simon Williams’ protestations that he is now sporting a ‘number one all over’ aren’t fooling anyone, sources have told us today.

The management accountant decided on the new ‘hairstyle’ – as he insists on calling it – at the weekend, and has been telling all co-workers that the clippers look is really ‘in’ this year.

Shannon Waite from Personnel told us, “Look, you can’t claim to have chosen a new hairstyle if your only other option is the cue-ball look.

“Simon has been thinning on top for years, so we’re all kinda glad he’s finally done away with those wisps at the top of this head – they used to move when the air conditioning blew and it was very distracting if you were trying to hold a serious conversation with him.

“But why not call it what it is, an admission of baldness?

“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being bald by the way, lots of handsome men are baled – but there’s plenty wrong with pathetic attempts to pretend you aren’t.”

Williams himself has spoken of his delight at his new look.

He told us, “I think the number one all over is quite fashionable right now, but I got it more for convenience to be honest – a quick once over with the trimmer once a week and I’m done.

“Plus I’m saving a fortune on sculpting wax.

“My missus really likes the close-cropped haircut – I think it’s from back when David Beckham had one about ten years ago.

“Yes, I just compared my hair to David Beckham’s. Deal with it.”

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