Tuesday 23 June 2015

New warning that skinny jeans can make you look ridiculous


Skinny Jeans

Researchers have today warned of the dangers of skinny jeans after an Australian woman was left looking utterly ridiculous for several hours.

The 35-year-old woman had to be cut from her jeans after hours of mocking and laughter by all those who witnessed her attempts to ‘wear’ the figure hugging jeans in public.

As one eye-witness explained, “The poor woman seemed completely oblivious to how utterly ridiculous she looked. I can only imagine the jeans were so tight they restricted blood flow to her optic nerve.

“Or she doesn’t own a single mirror?”

The incident has led to renewed calls for the public to be made warned of the dangers of skinny jeans, as it’s often too late once you’re already wearing them in public.

Fashion expert Seamus McVitie told us, “Skinny jeans aren’t for everyone, in fact, I’d go so far as to say they are for absolutely no-one.

“Because if you can wear them, then you’re probably suffering from such severe malnutrition that you are therefore not well enough to wear actually them.

“That may sound like a Catch 22 situation, but such is the way with high fashion.”

Not all jeans wearers have been surprised at the news.

Jeans owner Simon Williams told us, “I’m a 34 waist and 32 inside leg, so I wouldn’t describe myself a fat, but whenever I try to wear skinny jeans I’m certain the friction at the top of my legs is going make me spontaneously combust.

“No-one, at all, in the history of human endeavour has e looked good in skinny jeans.

“I genuinely believe that anything that makes you walk like the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz should be considered a bad thing.”

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