Monday 22 June 2015 by Gary Stanton

Ferguson police willing to offer Dylann Roof a front-line role


US police shootings

Ferguson’s trigger-happy police force are eager to speak to racist murderer Dylann Roof about a potential vacancy.

The controversial unit is offering a salary of forty thousand dollars plus benefits to a “proactive, if slightly unhinged, self-starter who thrives under pressure”.

Roof will initially be offered the role on a six month probationary period, during which he will be expected to provide his own AK47.

Roof’s placement will depend on the outcome of his trial, but the cheery psychopath was given a boost last night on learning he will face the same jury that acquitted colourblind officer Darren Wilson.

Ferguson’s Chief of Police Simon Weinbecker said:

“In his first few months, we will be setting Dylann a number of targets, such as a black teenager hot-footing it from an electrical store with a plasma TV.”

Weinbecker, meanwhile, has faced criticism for posting the vacancy on a number of neo-Nazi websites such as Manpower and Fish4jobs.com

He added:

“We’ve seen how well this individual can think on his feet within the rigid confines of a small baptist church.”

“We’ve yet to see how he would cope with the more challenging environment of an out-of-control children’s party.”

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