Wednesday 17 June 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Top Gear fans delighted as abuse target is finally confirmed to be Chris Evans


Chris Evans Top Gear

Top Gear fans were logging on to Twitter in a fervent state of rage-delight yesterday as it was revealed that Chris Evans would be hosting the show.

Petrol-heads nationwide spent the evening typing “ginger”, “speccy” and “Wogan-lite” into their random abuse generators before letting rip at the motoring show’s new frontman.

“It’s been a brilliant few hours” beamed Top Gear fan and insufferable twat, Marlon Hemmings.

“I’ve been itching to hurl abuse at SOMEONE ever since that Sue Perkins rumour turned out to be bollocks.”

“I’ve been blocked by her, and as God is my witness, I’ll be blocked by that carrot-top cock womble, Chris Evans – to whom I’ve hitherto been fairly indifferent.”

“It is absolutely imperative that we exercise our right to free speech by giving out as much baffling vitriol to strangers as we possibly can.”

“Because Clarkson, that’s why.”

Chris Evans joins Top Gear

Top Gear fans have argued that without Clarkson, it’s not possible for Top gear to continue.

“It demonstrably is”, countered BBC executive, Martin Yates, “it’s a programme full of cars, jaunts to foreign countries full of hilarious mishaps that we’ve carefully scripted, and it’s still called ‘Top Gear’.”

“If you absolutely require a denim-clad, casually racist Tory in order to enjoy a TV show, then please call the support number at the bottom of your screen.”

Chris Evans will start hosting the new series of Top Gear once his co-hosts have been confirmed.

BBC big-wigs have promised fans that under absolutely no circumstances will they burden them with a woman presenter.

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