Tuesday 16 June 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Dull man grows beard


beards

A dull man yesterday revealed how he has grown a beard to make up for his fundamental lack of personality.

“I’m quite tedious,” said Simon Williams, tediously.

“So, I thought I’d grow a beard, then people might think I’m quite interesting.”

“It’s good, because now rather than telling people about the good shave I had in the morning, I can now tell people how much my beard as grown overnight.”

“It’s about half a millimetre,” he added

Mr Williams joins the legions of profoundly boring men who have all grown beards instead of developing a personality, creating an industry of absurd beard-related crap such as beard oil, beard combs, and beard cagoules to keep the beard dry in a rain storm.

The new trend has upset dull women.

“It’s not really fair,” said Jenny Bottomdrawer

“I’m really dull, but no matter how much I strain, I can’t grow a beard.”

“I had to stop trying after one day I strained so much, I soiled myself. So I gave myself an interesting surname instead.”

Beards have now become so popular amongst dull men, that some have also taken to wearing stupid trousers as well

“That’s probably a bit too far for me,” said Mr Williams.

“I’m just looking to be a quite interesting man, not a very interesting one.”

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