Tuesday 16 June 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Channel 4’s Jon Snow ‘Free at Last’ Following Game of Thrones Finale


Jon Snow

Note: SPOILERS AHEAD FOR A TV SHOW THAT WAS ON NATIONAL TELEVISION LAST NIGHT AND LITERALLY EVERYWHERE ON SOCIAL MEDIA SINCE THEN

Channel 4 News anchor Jon Snow has expressed his joy and relief following the death of his namesake in TV death-and-sex smorgasbord, Game of Thrones.

The character of John Snow in Game of Thrones met his end at the hands of some mardy colleagues on the black watch, who got a little too tired of Snow being all noble and shit; making the perfectly reasonable decision to knife him in the guts, rather than settle their differences over coffee.

“I know a lot of people were very upset when that character died, but I actually leapt from the sofa, punching the air,” said the news stalwart.

“Finally, it’s over. No more ‘hilarious’ Facebook memes mocking my visage, no more tiresome tosspots shouting ‘you know nothing Jon Snow’ at me while I’m doing my shopping in Waitrose.”

“I’ve never been happier to see someone stabbed to death, and believe me I’ve taken joy in many such occurrences.”

The death of John Snow, or “Snowfall” as nobody is calling it but they bloody well should, is already being hailed as one of the most traumatic deaths in television history.

“I am devastated” said Sandra Matthews, “granted he wasn’t the most exciting character in the world, but my God, he was pretty.”

“I’ll miss his hard-hitting reporting style and his dulcet tones.”

“What? Ohh, the guy in that dragon show? Oh thank God, what a relief! I thought you meant the real person. No, couldn’t care less, in that case.”

With Season 5 of Game of Thrones now over, anticipation is already building for Season 6, where it’s thought that exciting things might actually take place before the eighth episode of the ten episode run.

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