Monday 15 June 2015 by DavyWavy

We’d eat fat people first, confirm Jurassic World dinosaurs


Jurassic World

Dinosaurs depicted in Jurassic World have confirmed they’d scoff the fatties first given half a chance.

After reviews of the film which suggest that you can tell who is going to get eaten by how overweight they are, dinosaurs have made it clear that this is totally accurate.

Only once the fat people are eaten would they start on asian and brown people, leaving muscular white folks until last as they ‘probably don’t taste that nice’.

“At first we thought it was a bit unfair that if anyone was carrying a few extra pounds you just knew they would be first down a saurian gullet, even if there was a more obvious or immediate victim”, said a dinosaur spokesman.

“But on consideration we decided that, yeah, yum yum.”

“Ideally they’d do a comedy little waddling run or try to make friends first, as that just makes the flavour better.”

Meanwhile, the Tyrannosaurus Rex has acknowledged that it is a ‘bit like Santa Claus” as it can easily tell who is naughty and who is nice when deciding who to eat.

The T-Rex told reporters that given a straight choice between eating a couple of cute kids and having a stand up fight with another apex predator, it would make an informed decision based on whether the kids had done their homework and cleaned their teeth.

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