Tuesday 9 June 2015 by DavyWavy

Stores to avoid ‘legal highs’ ban by selling ‘homeopathic highs’


Homeopathic highs

Hippy shops are responding to the ban on legal highs by selling homeopathic drugs instead, we can report today.

The move circumvents legislation as the new products contain no psychoactive substances whatsoever, but still sells for a premium price.

The drugs, including homeopathic cocaine, homeopathic speed and homeopathic acid, are freely available from many shops, or out of your kitchen tap.

Hippy Crystalheart Moonchild, 63, told us “Man, I’ve never had a high like I did on homeopathic acid.”

“In fact, I never got a high at all.”

Homeopathic highs

Similarly 22-year old Tracey Gittersnipe of Luton praised homeopathic Speed as it kept her dancing round her handbag for long enough to cop off, which is just what she was looking for.

“My dealer beats the police by selling it in bottles marked ‘Highland Spring’ – and he only charges twenty quid a go, which is a bargain,” she told us.

Homeopathic drug dealer Simon Williams told us, “I would tell any potential customer that homeopathy offers a gateway to incredible legal highs, at prices you can definitely afford.”

“But if you’re the law I’d tell you it’s fine, they’re just sugar pills and glasses of water with absolutely no drugs in them whatsoever.”

“So it’s win-win. Well, for me.”

The government is considering how to respond to this development, as ministers are torn between homeopathy being a load of crap, whilst simultaneously thinking it works when the NHS does it.

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