Monday 8 June 2015 by DavyWavy

Sol Campbell to be knocked out of London Mayoral Election on penalties


Sol Campbell

Former England Captain Sol Campbell has announced his intention to lose the 2016 London Mayoral Election on penalties, we can report.

With Boris Johnson set to step down as mayor at the next election, Campbell hopes to organise a stirring run for the job before being defeated in a heartbreaking last-minute decider.

Campbell has insisted that his extensive career as Captain of England at international level was the ideal experience to prepare him for taking part in, and then losing a major competition.

His team are reported to be ‘optimistic’ that Campbell can at least see off weak first-round challenge from George Galloway before crashing out.

“I’m going to get everyone behind me and really try 110% to get the best job in English politics,” Sol told reporters

“I intend to start well, to find myself being talked up by the tabloids, before getting the yips about three-quarters of the way through and completely blowing it.”

On past experience it is expected that the eventual winner of the Mayoral Election will be German.

Mayor Boris Johnson has backed Campbell’s run for the title, declaring it “Utterly spiffing”.

“Crikey, Sol would gosh-darned well make the tippest-toppest mayor London has seen since, well, myself”, he said.

“Back of the net”, he added.

“Or not, as the case may be.”

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