Friday 5 June 2015 by DavyWavy

England ‘won’t make big song and dance’ about sharing new oil wealth with Scotland


Gatwick oil reserves

With news that tens of billions of barrels of oil reserves have been found near Gatwick airport, England has confirmed it will happily share its new oil wealth with the rest of  Britain and not make a song and dance about it.

Faced with declining North Sea reserves, the new discovery is likely to provide a welcome fillip to the national coffers over the coming decades.

“Natural resources are a luck of the draw thing,” said a representative of the new English oil industry.

“Faced with a stroke of good fortune like that, who wouldn’t want to share it with the neighbours?”

“You’d have to be a right selfish twonk to try and keep it all to yourself, or to lay some sort of private claim to it.”

“Who would do such a thing?”

Meanwhile it is reported that wildcat exploration for similar-sized reserves will begin in Yorkshire over the next year.

In response to the news, a spokesman for Yorkshire said “If we find any oil, we’re bloody keeping it. The rest of you can bollocks.”

“You’re all puffs anyway,” he added.

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