Wednesday 3 June 2015 by Tom Whalley

Qatar wins bid to host Sepp Blatter’s leaving do


Sepp Blatter leaving do

Qatar has seen off rival bids from Mordor, Castle Greyskull and Russia, to win the right to host Sepp Blatter’s FIFA leaving do.

Journalists were summoned to a hastily organised press conference in Zurich to hear the news.

Speaking in front of the assembled crowd, Fifa Vice President Issa Hayatou announced the result of the bidding process.

“The process to win the right to host Mr Blatter’s leaving party has been very competitive…. And lucrative,” at which point he began cackling for several minutes.

A giant golden envelope, containing the name of the winner, was then carried onto the stage by several diamond-encrusted peacocks, and then opened by Mr Hayatou who uttered the words:

“The Sepp Blatter leaving do 2016 is awarded to….. Qatar.”

Qatar to hos Blatter leaving do bid

The bid was praised for its inclusion of ‘women in tight shorts’, ‘slave labour’ and ‘a lack of extradition treaty with the USA’.

FA Chairman Greg Dyke, a staunch critic of Sepp Blatter revealed that, despite their differences, he would certainly be attending the party.

“He might be a bit of a dick, but this party is going to be off the hook.”

“I’ve heard he’s going to have an actual Thunderdome with people fighting to the death. No chance I’m missing that.”

“This is going to go offfffffffffffff.”

When questioned about the use of forced labour in preparing for the party, Fifa did their best to reassure football fans that they would ensure as many people as possible would die in the build up to the event.

“If the world cup in 2022 is running at 1,500 deaths so far, then we think we can top 5,000 for this party.”

“That’s way more than 9/11.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: