Wednesday 3 June 2015 by Tom Whalley

Fans of murdering Welshmen with a bow and arrow concerned as medieval laws face axe


Bow and Arrow murder in Chester now illegal

Proposed changes to the law could make shooting a Welshman with a bow and arrow from within the city walls of Chester illegal, concerned Englishmen have learned today.

For many an Englishman the practice of shooting a Welshman with a bow and arrow from within the city walls of Chester after midnight, is a pastime as sacred as leaving lost gloves on fence posts, hating paedos, and voting for bastards.

However changes to the law mean that archery-based welsh-murder could soon become a thing of the past.

Chester bowman Simon Williams told us, “I used to enjoy chasing after foxes and watching dogs tear them to pieces. They closed that little avenue of pleasure and this was all I had left.”

Other legislation to face the axe includes, the Refreshment Houses Act 1860, and parts of the Married Women’s Property Act 1882.

Fans of churchyard expansions were also up in arms about the pruning of the legislation.

Churchyard expansionist, Gary Parker, feels persecuted by the government.

“First they came for my human rights, but I did not speak out because I don’t care about humans.”

“Then they came for the NHS, but I did not speak out because I have private medical insurance.”

“Then they came for people on benefits, but I did not speak out because people on benefits are subhuman scum.”

“Then they came for 1536 act to enlarge the churchyard of St Margaret’s Church in Southwark and there was no one left to speak out for me.”

Prime minister David Cameron went out of his way to assure big business that the new laws would not affect them.

“Rest assured, aggressive tax evasion and the things that bankers do will remain very, very legal.”

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